ROAD BLOCKS

You know that time in life when you feel like everything is going well? It could go better and it could definitely go worse – but everything is going awesome. You’re happy with where you are at, you have something to fight for and you feel like you will make everything work. And then, all of a sudden, a big and heavy roadblock falls down in front of you. Now, all you have to do is to kick that road block to the side of the road. Sounds so easy. But the feeling is just dragging you down, the feeling that it is not alright anymore. That just happened to me a few hours ago. Then again, I was expecting it, it always happens when life is going okey, isnt it? I’m glad its not worse though, I just failed an exam that I from the start had a feeling would fail. Its just an exammmm! But it hits you hard when you see that sign, when you get that e-mail and you have no idea what you did wrong. The wait for feedback tomorrow is taking forever and I really do not have any inspiration to continue with my thesis proposal at the moment so here I am looking at the snow/rain falling down outside.

On the bright side though, thinking with a clear head, I think it was a good thing that I failed. I mean, obviously I didn’t quite know what I was doing and now I’m getting a second chance of learning it. I should be… happy? relieved? positive? Positive. As they say, always look on the bright side. A motto that usually works. Now, I’m just hoping my thesis meeting tomorrow goes well and I’m fit for fighting again. Lets get rid of that road block!

two thousand, and twelve.

We have now been accepting 2012 as the new year for two weeks. Though, I still write 2011 on every date. It takes time to get used to! Many peoples goals this year seems to be “party like its 2012” and I get it. But I guess we can translate it to a more professional “live as its your last day” motto. However, one of my new mottos for this year is taken from the movie New Years Eve; What would you do, if you knew you wouldn’t fail?. I think its an perfect motto for me to keep in mind and strive for. It is exactly what I need. Last years summary would have been something like; accept it and move on. Simple as that!

So, goals? I’m usually not dead keen on goals cause I ususally end up not following them, but this year it _will_ be different. (I hope). I am going to start working out more, I want that worked out body. I don’t want to get tired after running 100 metres or feeling like my arm has that fat all the 40+ people get. NO. I am 21 and I want a body I can love! Lets get on it! I just got back from a workout pass and I can happily say that my weights are now heavier (yes!). Wheras, my cardio is not so much improving… just yet.

An very important goal for me is not giving up so easily. I need to step it up in all different kinds of directions. I’m going to fight for an awesome thesis that I can be proud of, I’m going to GET THAT INTERNSHIP that I really want and I’m going to be proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. You know what? That is a pretty good goal; at the end of the year, I want to be proud of what I’ve done. =)

two thousand and eleven in 11 pictures

2011 has been a great year, I’ve spent most of the year not having a dull time with Charli, I fell for sushi after Marlene did them herself, I’ve had a lovely mentor time with Madde and I had an amazing halloween with two of my oldies. My family has in the difficult parts of the year been by my side. They’ve travelled distances and seen my waterfalls. Their support helps me through struggles. My friends help me through struggles. I am the luckiest, really.

Anyway, as the headline described: this is my 2011 in 11 pictures.

Lets talk about nothing

What a nice little hiatus I’ve been on. Depression and problematic things are over. Horrible time, but life is plenty good right now. It has actually just come to my attention that I’ve begun to make myself step out of my comfort zone and I think its good for me. Its all about taking that chance/risk (whatever it might be) and make it the best one. If you fail/succeed, then sorry/congratulations! So my life at the moment is mostly made out of thesis things and I’m not even suppose to start with it until next term. Its all about proposals for research design and jadda jadda jadda. Its interesting though.

I really have no idea what to write, say, state… I just felt like doing something on this bloggyblog. I always see this blog as being so serious, but why is that? It’s not suppose to! … I think. Check me out on http://emsann.tumblr.com if you want my definitely-not-serious things and interests.

This cardigan my mormor (grandma) made me many years ago (like 7+?) but it’s never really been my size. I just found it today and I love it! So happy I never threw it out.

Peaaaaace,

My little crisis (blah blah)

These last couple of weeks have been though. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I still havent gotten over it fully. I’m definitely better and coping with my issues everyday. To be honest, sometimes I’m afraid to be alone because my head will go into annoying thoughts that I’d rather not think about. Two weeks ago I had to cry my heart out to my mum over phone before falling asleep. Often my brother had to come over and talk it out with me. Life is stressful. It doesn’t help that my friend just lost her grandfather and I’ve been thinking way to much about how I someday will loose mine. I love my grandparents and can’t see myself living without them. Neither does it help that one of my closest friends are moving way to soon. Heading off to London before neither of us are ready for separating (I’m so grateful for internet!). Another issue is that I’m going to study for five more years and I dont know if I’m cut out for it. Half a decade. I’m passionate about becoming a teacher though, so I’m going to get through it. I’m finishing up my first goal in life and is moving on to my second. The biggest problem with the years aren’t the number of years, but more where I’m going to spend those years. After these couple of weeks I’ve realised I cant stay away from my family and friends. 7 hours of train would be impossible, though it’s the only town I can see myself in. Is this really all though? No. But that’ll be figured out when the right time comes!

I’ve recently talked to my brother about this (again..) and now I’m okey. All I need to do is talk to someone about it, someone who can help me through it. My brother is excellent at it and super nice for actually coming over every single time that I need him. My grandparent will live for a very long time and its nothing I should be worried about right now. My friend and I will have lots of facebook/skype conversations through our new phones. We’ll also have 20 nights of sleepovers at my place before she leaves and we will have a great adventure next summer! Bien sur! I’ll also be able to get through four years and if I cant it shouldn’t be any problems to transfer to a closer school! This conclusion seems impossible when I’m sitting there with a waterfall from my eyes, but when the water have stopped and I’ve had my chat I usually come to a realisation that I should not worry. This usually lasts 24h and then back to the same. Is this what they call a 20 year crisis?

I know there’s something more

“I’ve seen the great height reminding me that I’m alive, I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna waste another day or night, I know there’s something more that we’re living for; I see it in the stars, I feel it on the shore, I know there’s something. This world may crumble into the ocean. It could all end tonight.”

What a Wonderful World

I love this song. I really do. It’s perfect.

All photos are taken in a magical forest, just a few steps from where I live. Some of these pictures makes me think of my mother. Looks like she took them, but oh no, all credit goes to me. Thank you.